Goodness, some days I just feel like I'm missing out.
Missing out on Winnie's infancy because I'm too busy playing with Dorothy and trying to make her feel like she's getting the same amount of attention she has always gotten.
Missing out on playing with Dorothy because I'm stuck feeding Winnie for what feels like hours on end.
The guilt that comes with motherhood is sometimes unbearable. Now, some days run so smoothly that I do feel like I'm super-mom. Winnie feeds efficiently and sleeps for good stretches of time, and Dorothy plays well on her own when she needs to but then has tons of fun with me when we've got the opportunity.
But other days. Other days when Winnie is feeding like mad and Dorothy is especially needy and I can't help either of them, those days I most definitely wish I only had one child to look after (don't ask me which one I'd keep, it changes depending on who's more difficult at that particular moment).
Not to mention, I'm fairly sure Dorothy has caught on to the fact that she can make me feel like the worst mother on the planet with just a few simple words: "back," "up," "come on," are uttered repeatedly some days, until I feel like I'm completely neglecting her.
And to be honest, I am. I don't have the time to play with her as much as I used to. I don't sit down with her on the floor or play pretend as much as I did before Winnie came along.
And I also don't pay nearly as much attention to Winnie as I did to Dorothy. I don't stare at her as she feeds like I did with Dorothy, because I'm usually trying to shout commands to The Dot as she plays or I'm reading her a story. And I don't sing to her or rock her for ages like Dorothy got used to.
So yeah...at least I'm neglecting both of them. I just hope I'm doing it equally. ;)